'The whole time he kept pretending like he knew what he was doing': House guest insists he knows how to cook, ruins meal after meal in his host's home

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Dec 11, 2024 5:00 PM EST

When a couple who loves cooking starts living with a guy who can't cook anything, hilarity ensues! It sounds like the start of a goofy movie, but for this couple, it's their reality. 

Cooking seems awfully easy when you're just watching someone do it. How hard could it be to turn on the heat, throw some food in a pan, and make magic happen? Well, it's certainly more difficult than that, but this house guest didn't know. He's under the impression that he can cook, but it's becoming increasingly clear that he cannot even make eggs correctly. 

You can immediately tell if someone can cook or not just by observing them. Do they preheat their pan or oven? Can they tell if water is boiling just by the sound of it? Do they actually understand how to know if their food is cooking correctly, or if their meat is fully cooked? It's not hard to tell someone's experience level… but this house guest still felt fine with lying about it. At least the couple he's staying with will have some hilarious stories to tell for years to come! 

Up next, read some of the funniest things people have written to get themselves into college, like one person who revealed that "I wrote a 750-word admissions essay describing the smell of baked potatoes... I got in." 

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    Cheezburger Image 10440180224
    via Sonja Punz on Unsplash+

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Kevin the culinary artist Some background: My wife and I love cooking. It's one of our favorite hobbies. We cook together at least once a week, and generally we make enough to have leftovers. We have very few microwave meals in the house.
    via u/irrelevanttrumpeter
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    Enter Kevin. Kevin is a friend of a friend who I had casually known for about 4 years. He had recently lost his job, couldn't afford his apartment and needed a place to crash while he got back on his feet. Feeling generous, my wife and I offered our guest room for a few weeks. On his first day with us, my wife and I made a meal together for all of us. Kevin was inspired (?) by our lifestyle and told us "Oh yeah! I love cooking too! Let me
    via u/irrelevanttrumpeter
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    make breakfast for you tomorrow!". This was the start of a kitchen catastrophe. • Kevin tried to make fried eggs by putting an 8 inch skillet on the highest possible heat. The flames were actively burning the plastic handle. My house smelled like electrical fire for days.
    via u/irrelevanttrumpeter
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    • Kevin noticed the smell the next day and insisted that my dog had sh in the house somewhere. • Kevin needed to be taught not to keep his fingers in the path of a knife. He somehow consistently kept the flat side of vegetables facing up when chopping. We quickly stopped letting him cut anything.
    via u/irrelevanttrumpeter
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    • Kevin could not fathom the concept of pre-heating. • Kevin thought the packaged ground beef in my fridge was noodles.
    via u/irrelevanttrumpeter
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    • Kevin was vehemently against leaving the fridge open for any reason. He said that my milk would go bad because I had the door open for 3 minutes while restocking after a grocery run.
    via u/irrelevanttrumpeter
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    • When my wife and I were at work, Kevin tried to make grilled chicken using pre- seasoned chicken br ts, and used a youtube tutorial (+1 for effort). He put the chicken directly on my gas stove because he thought it was the same as a grill.
    via u/irrelevanttrumpeter
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    • I walked Kevin through baking cookies from a pre- made dough. We watched TV while waiting. When the timer went off, I told him to get the cookies out. He came back to the living room and said "I'll let it cool down". He had tried to get the pan out with his bare hands, and left it in the hot oven to cool down.
    via u/irrelevanttrumpeter
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    • I told Kevin that . microwaving an egg would make it explode. This excited him. While I was at work, he microwaved an egg. It exploded.
    via u/irrelevanttrumpeter
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    The whole time he kept pretending like he knew what he was doing, and was "just making sure" with his questions. This was over the span of about 5 days. We basically didn't let him in the kitchen after this point. We learned after he'd left our place that he had been in a long-term
    via u/irrelevanttrumpeter
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    relationship in which his girlfriend did all the cooking and meal prep. What I don't understand is why he felt he needed to lie. If he had said "I don't know much about cooking, but it looks like fun and I'd love to join you", we wouldn't have had a problem. Some bonus Kevinisms:
    via u/irrelevanttrumpeter
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    • Kevin hounded us asking if . he could eat our share of the leftovers. (We usually made enough for food for 3 people while he was staying with us) This wasn't stupid. Just r_de. • Kevin called all streaming . "netflix". E.g. "Game of Thrones is on Netflix on HBO Max"
    via u/irrelevanttrumpeter
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    Competitive_... Ok. The putting chicken directly on the stovetop....i have no words.
    via u/Competitive_Stock_76
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    cloneofGary I check marked some of these boxes... am I a Kevin ?
    via u/cloneofGary
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    Mulewrangler I hope he was contributing grocery money. At least he asked about eating your leftovers. But, I'd have stopped cooking for him every night.
    via u/Mulewrangler
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    Personal-Free... Do not let him back into your house.
    via u/Personal-Freedom-615
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    Chcolatepig24... Making a mess of someone else's microwave is r de af
    via uChcolatepig24069

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meals cooking stories-about-kevin couples food eating kevin couple
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